I enjoy beer and weed way too much for this world. Now normally I don’t apologize for this. But if you didn’t notice, the holidays recently concluded and it was so gut-bustingly glorious, I actually spent about 3 days detoxing from sugar and alcohol – two things I normally believe are every-day pleasures.

But thankfully all that self-restraint is over and I’m currently coasting through my second beer, wondering if a third would help or hinder me in my mission to clean the bathroom. It’s 10 o’clock on a school night, so maybe it will not help after all.

I have so many things I want to DO, books to read, computer crap to tinker with, music to play…none of that seems remotely possible if not fueled by a diet of Pyramid brew (my new favorite cheapo beer!), weed and possibly, adderall. Note: I have never abused adderall before, out of the sheer fear that I would love it. But I’m considering taking up the habit to increase my level of efficiency.
BUT there is one thing that holds me back – a growing resistance to the idea of dependency. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always fancied myself independent but this has been tempered by an insatiable love of pleasure and instant gratification. So you could say I have a balance of the two. Independent, but completely vulnerable to pleasure. But it’s the new year (2010 baby!) and I’m trying my hand at a new point of view. Sure, I’m listening to the Kinks and drinking Pyramid (a variation of The Usual) but in my brain, all kinds of new and strange things are brewing….what about “self-discipline”?? I’ve heard great things about this methodology. It yields RESULTS, which I am fond of. However, it often takes weeks and weeks to see those results, and the idea of “investment in the future” is something I’ve just recently begun to, well, invest in…

Let’s face it, like most Americans I have lots of addictions: microbrew, my french press, spooning the warm boy in my bed, Hulu. Most of the time we convince ourselves we are creatures of comfort and thus there is no shame in these small pleasures that make life consistently better. If anything, most of the aforementioned addictions are so well integrated into my daily routine that I barely notice them. But I’m starting to wonder if depriving myself of these comforts would suddenly strengthen my character, sharpen my wit, make me worthier of good fortune, or at least kick my ass into gear so that maybe I’ll want to go to graduate school like everyone else and be normal.

Fat chance, I suppose. But like any sane person I WOULD like to be Tom Cruise – rich, interminably cool, crazy, convinced I’m right – ALL without drugs. Is this possible? Dick Dale doesn’t do drugs. He’s a hero. Right? Right???

I’m losing it. There’s only one solution: grab a cold one and scrub the toilet.

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