Pee Wee’s playhouse has recently made it’s debut on Broadway. I figure if a pervert and a talking chair can make it on to Broadway, so can I. So I’ve begun the plans for my big debut. It will start with the curtain dropping and the main character dancing. See she loves to dance and she’s all wrapped up in her own world, until oops! she gets dropped down a rabbit hole. The rabbit hole leads to a world of her most treasured dreams and her most feared nightmares. In the nightmare sequence she is circled by wolves who demand to know what she is most afraid of. Once they extract it from her she spirals into her most disturbing memories, and they replay like a giant tape recorder in slow-motion and more terrifying than they ever really were. She is strung up and laughed at for all of her deepest fears. In the heaven-dream sequence everything she touches will produce melodic sounds and rhythms. There will be friendly talking animals that give her talismans for astral travel. And maybe a conversation with Jung. It will end with them taking tea on a magic carpet, as she soars over tiny miniatures of all the favorite places she’s ever been to.

That’s the 90-second version of my Broadway play. Pretty dope, I think.

OR even BETTER, I could do an adaptation of the afterlife classic “Defending your Life” starring Albert Brooks. But with a whimsical female lead character, of course. Now you know you’d come see that.

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